People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt. The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected. Right?
Why is that?
Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing. Even things they make up…using our words! They convince us we are crazy. They convince us we are the abusers! They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire.
You are not, and were not, crazy. You were abused.
Now it’s our choice to change our perspective, to accept that building our own safe, happy and authentic live is OUR responsibility. The abuse was real. We did not deserve it. We did not ask for it or enjoy it. Now it’s our choice to use that experience to grow, and to help ourselves and others heal.
There are two statements I make that some people take personally…statements that they feel are demeaning and insensitive to women who have live in domestic abuse.
The statements are: “If we don’t change, nothing changes” and “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” A third one attracted the ire of a couple of my community members, too: “You don’t attract who you want. You attract who you are.”
Each of those statements addresses victims of domestic abuse. The people who attack those statements feel that they are blaming victims, saying they are responsible for being in abusive situations, want to be abuse, or somehow deserving.
I use my own experience in this podcast to explain my position and opinion. Like most victims of domestic abuse, I was conditioned as a kid to accept negative behavior by males as acceptable, OK, my lot in life. Not because an adult was abusive. Because my brothers were dyslexic and were allowed to behave unacceptably. My sisters and I were taught to accept the boy’s negative behavior. That led to abusive marriages…for me and every one of my sisters.
Sound far fetched to you? Listen and tell me what you think.
I am Mickie Zada, the CEO of Surviving Abuse Network. Please check out my web site at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com
For 22 years, Chandra Bachu knew what it was like to live in domestic abuse. She tried to escape; staying in shelters three different times, but without money saved, she returned home….to daily abuse.
She said, “I was looking for my way out and didn’t get it. I gave up and stayed because I wanted my kids to sleep on a bed, go to school, and we would not have to fear for our lives, because it would be worse if we left.”
After many years volunteering with Cynthia Pinkney Ministries, she now spends her time helping to give families a new beginning through her organization: A Red Rose Foundation, Inc.
Certainly a like-minded woman, she is quoted online saying
“I believe nothing happens by coincidence. Taking a mess and turning it into a message is what life is about. Giving a mom hope for a new beginning can impact the rest of her life and her children. Environment changes people. Our goal is changing the next generation by helping mom; we are creating a new life for these kids,”
Learn more about Chandra Bachu and her organization, A Red Rose Foundation, Inc. at www.ARedRoseFoundationInc.com
You are creating your own reality…so am I! How do we do that? We gather information, embrace what resonates with us and apply that lesson to our lives.
No one has your exact experience. No one lived the exact same abuse that you did. No one stayed for the same reasons you did…and no one left for the same reasons, either.
Many, many women have lived in abuse. Many, many women have chosen to create wonderful, safe and healthy lives after leaving abuse. Listen to them, ask questions, learn what they have to teach…and know that your Path will be different.
Why? Nobody else’s footsteps lead exactly where you’re going!