Like the fact or not, each of us has a life pattern, some “program” deep in our brain that creates our attraction to abusers. My lesson, my program, was “Anything the boys did was OK.”
Practically from the time my first brother was born (I was 15 months old), I was taught that males were granted more leigh way, were not held to the same levels of responsibility as girls and could do whatever they wanted to…while girls made excuses for their poor choices and negative behavior. My parents did not program me and my sisters that way to cause us problems: Our training was to protect our brothers, who had learning disabilities.
Thus, the stage was set to continue my life as a co-dependent enabler of men’s damaging behavior toward me. I stayed in domestic abuse for 34 years, always believing it was my Mission to keep my abuser between the lines.
I was wrong. It took many years and a lot of personal growth to embrace that Truth. I was 53 and had allowed myself to be worn away. I was 53 when I embraced the fact that I didn’t know who I was, what I thought, what I wanted in life. I did the work to change: If we don’t change, nothing changes.
Not only did I discover Me, I created my own name in which I anchored my new Being. My Truth was finally set free, the culmination of which is this podcast and my business: Surviving Abuse Network