Even if you’ve been out of domestic abuse for decades, I bet you are still being held hostage, in your head, by your abuser. There are thoughts and experiences that bring back that empty feeling in your stomach, make your heart race and cause the familiar burning dread of fear and guilt in our hearts and minds. Until we accept that we were really abused and that it’s OK to embrace the options and support available to us, our abuser will continue owning real estate in our minds. If you’re like me, your first response is “I’m past all that!”. Maybe you are. 14 years after leaving, I still was not. When I began talking about my experience, I began to truly heal. Please, listen to my story and see if any of it resonates with you.
The number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001 and 2012 was 6,488. The number of American women who were murdered by current or ex male partners during the same time was 11,766. That’s nearly double the amount of casualties lost during war. http://bit.ly/2jc1N8x
Join the conversation: Domestic Abuse is real and we don’t have to live with it! Surviving Abuse Network is one place for you to participate with a sisterhood of domestic abuse survivors. Together we will make a difference. #1in4domesticabuse https://www.facebook.com/Surviving-Abuse-Network-137284130241322/
The theory of Collective Collusion addresses the fact that society will side with the perpetrator when abuse is brought forward.
WHAT?? And why??
Because society does not want to question the Father figure, the Authority figure. If Authority is questioned, the implication is that we are ALL just poor, weak human beings. Nope, can’t let that happen!
#Metoo has opened Pandora’s Box. I’m hopeful the wave of open discussion about sexual harassment and abuse will flow into the realm of domestic abuse, too. Most of our abusers are not famous. They are not news worthy. Unless a victim is murdered, domestic abuse rarely rates above the crease news.
In this episode, Mickie presents her theory and opinion of society’s stance.
Please, join the conversation that abuse is real and we don’t have to live with it. Post hashtag #1in4domesticabuse. It does not mean you have experienced abuse. It does mean you are willing to bring domestic abuse out of the closet and into the light.
Learn more on my face book page Surviving Abuse Network
It’s the holiday season, right? And, the best way to resolve frustration, loneliness, anger, distress … holiday blues? Eat.
In “Eat, Pray and Love Yourself” Mickie tells an embarrassing story about the power of a box of chocolates had over her!
This time of year, we do set ourselves up for being hurt, disappointed, feeling like we don’t quite fit in, not included. Don’t you agree? What is it that causes those emotions?
Programmed Lessons; things we have been taught that control a lot of our reactions and feelings. We are able to change those Programmed Lessons and baby-steps are one way to begin shifting how we feel about and how much we choose to enjoy this holiday season.
Also, check out the private face book page, “Surviving Abuse Network” www.facebook.com/groups/1859821070960301/
You’ll find a really good recipe for Mulled Wine with Cranberries there, too!
Since you left your abusive relationship, do your friends and family think you may have lost your mind? You had it all, right? Nice home, strong businesses, important jobs, a good relationship…well, that’s what it looked like.
Was it a mid-life crisis that spurred you to finally leave? I doubt it, but whatever it was, HURRAAAY!
Now you’re able to create the life you love. Change is exciting, and somewhat disconcerting. Choose to join groups and meet ups for business women. Find online groups. Decide to finally write that book, start painting again. “He won’t let me” isn’t a good excuse anymore, is it?
Join me on face book’s two pages, Surviving Abuse Network. One is an open page (it has the Survive Abuse logo and my pictures). The other is a private page, ask to join! It has a picture of a bird in its cage with the door wide open. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1859821070960301/
Thanks! See you there!
He was kind and caring, and then he turned mean and violent. He told me it was my fault he got so angry. I believed him for the longest time. I believed he wanted to change.
If you are a survivor of abuse, you have experienced all those emotions and beliefs. Each of us thinks we are unique; No one else would choose to live the way we did. Wrong!
Listen to the stories of 4 women who have escaped abuse. Pay attention to their statements about what they would say to others. Your story is not that unique. And, you are not alone. Abuse is real and we don’t have to live with it!
Somewhere in the recesses of our minds we feel guilty for having left our abuser...on some level you still love him; (even years later) you wonder how he’s doing.
We’re barreling toward another holiday season, and it’s easy to excavate only the good memories. The hurtful, nasty, unhappy holiday memories are buried pretty deep…and they aren’t fun to think about.
For support and inspiration this holiday season, take a look at Surviving the Holidays Mastermind at www.survivingabusenetwork.com/holidays
This time of year, it’s important to remind yourself why you left. And, don’t get sucked back in!
Today, Mickie talks about her early holiday experiences after leaving abuse and offers 9 tips from the National Domestic Abuse Hotline that may help maintain your emotional health through the holidays.
Listen to Patsy Wimmer's story of making some mistakes in her youth that led her into the arms of an abusive husband. Learn why she stayed for so long and what the final act was that caused her to say "No more!". Learn how she got out and ended up making it on her own and eventually reconciling with her children!
Would you tell a friend that it’s OK to be controlled by her husband, to be thrown against a wall, to cover bruises with make-up and long sleeves, to walk back into abuse again and again and again?
Of course not! So, why do we believe everything we think? In our minds, we make excuses, side step our reality, allow ourselves to remain in a damaging relationship. Those thoughts are lies; stop believing them.
Mickie shares the 5 steps that explain why we choose to believe everything we think, and how to change that process. It’s time to change our thoughts, emotions and actions. Then our results will be different. You can do this!
We rationalize until we can’t rationalize anymore. Sound familiar? If you’ve ever lived in abuse, you comprehend the reality of that statement. Mickie shares the story of an abused woman as reported to Huffington Post. It’s not Mickie’s story, it is Jessica’s; a woman whom, we hope, did the in-side work necessary to stay out of abusive relationships.
Our brains process 12,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. Our conscious mind processes 40 bits of information per second; our subconscious mind processes 40 Million bits of information per second! Mickie provides ideas and a fun experiment to learn how to be aware of your thoughts, and how to choose the ones that support your growth, safety and sanity. Listen and give it a try!
Abuse survivor and author, Amber Castleman, speaks her truth in this candid discussion with Mickie. Her new book His Love Hurts; How to Break Free from Your Abuser, and this open conversation with Surviving Abuse Podcast, chronicle Amber’s turbulent and seemingly helpless journey into, through and out of an abusive marriage. After listening to her story and her suggestions, Amber may be reached at amblecastleman.com or makeachangenow.le-vel.com
Mickie shares an anonymous story she found on line, a fabulous description of the emotions created by living in abuse, finally accepting the reality of the situation and the danger, emotion, and freedom of escaping. “Your real friends will listen to you endlessly complain, agonize and cry. They’ll watch in dismay as you smooth it over. If you’re extremely lucky, one of them might say “You sound like a battered wife”. “Do I?!!”, you ask out loud. And the reality of the statement blasts you out of your paralysis.
Everyone knows time is Money. I say time is Life. Mickie lived in abuse for 34 years. She “spent” a lot of her precious time living in fear and control; precisely 408 months, 1,768 weeks, 12,410 days! Even though it often feels this way, how we choose to use our time is not out of our control. Time is our most valuable non-renewable resource; how we use it is our choice. Hear some stories and gain some insight into not spending your time playing head-games about your life.
Mickie discovered an on-line list and description of emotions experienced by abused women. The information was created by Rape and Abuse Crisis Center and, along with their descriptions, Mickie adds her personal experiences and feelings associated with each emotion.
“It’s still amazing to me”, Mickie laments, “that we abused women try to save our marriages, make excuses for our abusers and are embarrassed to tell others about our life at home”. The emotional reality of abused women is a roller coaster!
For a little more than two years Mickie Zada consistently created weekly podcasts titled “The Second 53 Years” and “Figuring It Out After 50”. Since deciding to take her podcasts and business in the direction of addressing domestic abuse, “it’s been a while” since she’s consistently recorded podcasts.
In this episode of “Surviving Abuse” Mickie addresses the fear that has held her back. She admits that she talked-around her abuse in previous podcast shows and clarifies her intention to step through the fires of fear, speak her Truth and get back to creating weekly recordings.
In today's episode I get real. Real about my past. Real about my experiences. Listen to today's episode as I share why our mission has changed and I also share more of my story than you have ever heard.
Author of “Dream Weaver, Goal Achiever: A Step by Step Guide to Turning Your Dreams into Reality”, Barbara Brekke is also a professional speaker and a certified life coach. Growing up in a home with domestic violence, Barbara’s passion for guiding women in creating plans for changing their lives was born of watching her Mother survive in a horrible situation. Having created numerous new paths forward in her own life, Barbara walks her talk. Learn more and download her book “Dream Weaver, Goal Achiever” at www.gobeyondyourdreams.com
A resident of Squamish British Columbia, Janice Giesinger is a Telemark Skier, a former Mountain Bike racer and an avid motorcycle rider. A very small woman, she rides a very big motorcycle all over Canada and the U.S. and travels alone most of the time. Why? Because she can, she loves going fast and she enjoys a challenge.
You can read the full show notes at www.figuringitoutafter50.com
Recently, during a Tony Robbins seminar, Sabine Kvenberg walked on fire! An entrepreneur, business owner, author, singer/songwriter, coach and inspirational speaker, you’d expect this woman to be a hyper over-achiever. You’d be wrong!
Sabine is a wonderful storyteller who uses her many unique life experiences to illustrate the value and necessity for growth and self-awareness. ..especially for women Figuring It Out After 50.
Follow Sabine Kvenberg on facebook and check out her website www.SabineSpeaks.com.
85 year old Adrienne Dorfman has decided to change her Life…again! Her previous careers have been synchronistic and fulfilling. What turned out to be an inspiration to her daughters years later, Adrienne changed careers at 40, then at 50 she became an ordained Minister, now, at 85, she’s embarking on a career as a counselor. She figured out her next step into counseling while talking with me on “Figuring It Out After 50”! You get to listen to her thought process.
You can read the full blog post at www.figuringitoutafter50.com
If you in the process of moving from Where You Are to Who You Are then this conversation will help keep you on your path. Pat LaRosa is in the midst of creating her Third Childhood; she’s almost 60 years old. YAY Pat! She decided to follow her Passion, which happens to be creating wedding ceremonies based on the couples’ personal romantic story….and everyone has one! Pat’s advice to other women is to follow your passion, no matter your age, because you are so worth it! Learn more about Pat at www.SunriseSunsetweddings.com and you can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org
You can read the full blog post at www.figuringitoutafter50.com